Paris has woke up with really dark clouds. I went to buy some bread and the first raindrops have started to fall the moment I finished preparing my sandwich.
Yes, I have entered the kitchen again after all this time. Yes, I’ve been able to use the knife only to cut the bread and not myself, and yes, I have been able to eat all my sandwich.
My mother left for work at seven, so we haven’t seen each other yet. To be honest, with the new job and the boyfriend she has found, we barely see each other lately.
I miss her, but at least I know she’s happy. I believe that after my brother’s death, she deserves a bit of happiness. To have fun again.
It makes me happy to see her like this, using the hours doing something that makes her feel good, with a loved one to share moments and experiences and with a daughter that is slowly recovering from an anorexia and is getting back her vitality.
Now I see, being more conscious, the importance that has in my home that I eat a simple breakfast. My mother has suffered a lot seeing me so sick. An anorexia doesn’t only destroy the life of the person itself but also the life of the loved ones. And I know she’s had a hard time, and seeing her like this is what motivated me to start treatment and moving forward. To start treatment in a hospital that would help me deal with my suffering, to understand and listen to my emotions and most importantly, to learn how to manage them. Because it’s not enough to evade the feeling of sadness focusing all your senses in a number in the scale. Same as it is not enough to focus the anger against your own body, leaving scars that will remind you of those moments the rest of your life.
Well, by when I finished breakfast, the first raindrops became a massive summer storm. I used that momento to go to the balcony with a cup of coffee in my hand and with a cigarette in the other, only to enjoy the storm.
The streets were full of people that were running up and down with the umbrella in hand. There were one or two clueless persons that didn’t expect the rain to come, so they had no choice but to run balcony under balcony, trying to avoid the rain as much as posible.
I, as a good voyeur that I turn myself into when I’m in my coffee moment, couldn’t help but smile seeing that the efforts were useless.